Food for thought: Its the dating game

This is something I've come to realize that is very paramount, in African cultures (maybe it’s just an African thing or a developing world thing has those too always kind of go hand in hand with various issues). I've experienced it first hand in Sierra Leone; see it happening here in Senegal, having personal stories from friends in other African countries that have seen this transpire in their day-day lives.

What is this thing you ask? There is no one word for it so I'll try my best to describe it. Before I go any further I'm not saying every one is this way, it’s just a generalization and there are always people who don't fit into these categories.

I guess you can call it cheating but it’s not the cheating that the problem. Not that cheating is not a problem but people all over the world cheat. And this is about cheating while in a relationship, so the deceit in love. (This will be a comparison between the U.S. and African cultures). But it seems in African cultures it’s accepted, especially when the men cheat. Women are complacent when their men cheat; they accept it and at times are even okay with it. This is the major difference with the African and Western mentality. Yes, Western men cheat but they hide it, and Western women will throw a fit if they ever find out, even end the relationship. But not so with African women.

African women will know there men are cheating, have solid proof, even know who the other women are, maybe even have the same group of friends BUT yet they do nothing about it. This will NEVR fly in the U.S. With Americana it’s me and only me, if we don't work out then you can go and try someone else. But with Africans it’s about having all this women and seeing which one works best and which one is wifey material. The women silently (not always) compete with each other for this position. You hear things like "I'm his number, even though he has other girlfriends", "I'm the one the family knows, so that’s what matters," “I can go and come out of his house when I feel" Things like that you hear.


And this does not just stop at the dating level it also goes on during marriage. Husbands having wives at home yet have girlfriends in the streets (I'm a by product of such relations). And this is not just to blame the men, women will know these men are married but they don't care as long as they get their money, sex and whatever else they need from the man. The wives know this too but even if they are not okay with it they accept it. Which is my problem, the fact that we (women) just accept it.


Some argue that we (Americans) are stupid for not accepting which they point out to one of reason why so many American women are still are not married even in their late years. I guess the African way does make of the lack of companionship that’s Americans yearn.


Just a food for thought on this issues because it’s something that has been on my mind. At first with so many things I was disgusted but now I have come to tolerate and accept it as the way of life. Not quite sure who is wrong or right. (next blog topic). I mean everyone seems to be happy and get what they want out of the relationship. The wives are home, have everything provided for them by their husband (relatively speaking). The husbands get to have more than one sex partner and girls get the money they need to pay for their various expenses.


But again why is it right for the men to do this and not the women. When I ask this question the answer I usually get is I’m a man I can you are a women you should not do these things. As most of you know I’m a firm believer no matter what, if a man can do it so can a woman. As men will quickly tell you I want my girlfriend(s) to only be dating and definitely my wife just to be sexing me and only have that emotional bond with me (as you know cheating is not just about the sex). This how the men weed out the wives in their life to choose wifey, choosing the woman who will stay faithful.


There is also a factor that there is lack of dating people start off telling each other ther love each other, before even knowing each other and then they start bulding a relationship. There is never a definite break up. (another issue I'm expericing first hand). Things just die down and there is always possible that it can be resurrected. People start a relationship with the end in mind saying you will be my wife and see how things go. Another difference in America we date, people break up and move on. Sometimes they stay friends but of the time that’s the end of that relationship.

So what are your thoughts on these issues. Is it right what the men are doing and what about the fact that these women just accept it (my biggest issue) and should women too be able to do the same thing as men. And what the fact that people never beak up.